EXCERPT from the book – I Found My 100 Year Old Mother
“What could you possibly know about me?” I asked.
She replied with words that turned my life upside down and caused me more pain than I care to remember. My life had been relatively carefree up to that point, but now grew sad and dark. From that day onward, I spent far too much of my time in lonely contemplation and confusion.
“You’re adopted,” she said scornfully. She spat the words out, and ended the argument in an instant. It may have been foul play, but she got her point across more effectively than she could ever have realised.
I retorted weakly that she was wrong, but I had a very strong fearful feeling that her words were true. I remember once telling a friend that I thought there was something different about me. I said that I thought I might be adopted but I put that idea to the back of my mind. I don’t think I really believed it at the time but I suppose the doubt must have been rolling around somewhere in my mind.
I had always felt that I was in some way very different from the rest of my friends, but I’d never been able to really define it. .There was a heavy silence in the gym … not one of my friends spoke a word. My head was spinning, but I could never have imagined the impact that this incident would have on my life.
The rest of the school day is a haze to me. All I could think about was what was going to happen when I asked my parents the vital question. I knew that I had to ask it. As I cycled towards home on this fateful day, I decided that I must summon up the courage to ask my mummy if it was true. The time had finally come to figure out why I felt like an outsider, why my life was so different from the lives of my friends.
As soon as I entered the house, without even saying hello, I threw down my school bag in the hall and rushed into the kitchen, where my mummy was making one of her renowned apple tarts. I managed to splutter out the words “Am I adopted?” Then I waited anxiously for her answer.
She looked at me with a very worried expression, and then quizzed me to find out why I was asking this question. I told her what had happened at school. Part of me expected her to tell me that it was a lot of nonsense.
When I saw her reaction, I knew at once that it must be true. There is a big gap between thinking you might be adopted and finding out that you are actually adopted. Suddenly I felt dizzy, very embarrassed, and uncharacteristically speechless. She hesitated for what seemed like a very long time and then promised that we would talk about it when my father came home from work.
I hastened to my bedroom on the pretext of doing my homework. I brought my cat, Ginger with me and sat down on my bed, feeling a great empty feeling that I had never before experienced – a sadness beyond sadness.
These were not my real parents and this was not really my house. There must have been clues, why had I not seen them?
I remember one of my mummy’s friends asking me what I would do if I found out that I was an adopted child. “Who would you love? Who would you prefer – your real parents or your adoptive ones?” She had asked this in the presence of my mummy. I saw it now to be a wicked question. Why on earth would she have asked something like that? At the time, of course, I hadn’t suspected.
I had answered that I would hate my real parents for leaving me, and love my adoptive parents for keeping me. It was the right answer at the time, but once the reality of adoption hit me, I knew that it was far from the truth.
I wanted to know who my real parents were, and I knew from that moment that I would try to find them. I was shocked by this revelation, deeply upset about having been adopted, and I had to find a way to hide these emotions.
It seemed like forever before my daddy came home from work. I wondered what he would say. He was the person I had always trusted to tell the truth. I was used to my mother’s constant fibbing, and I had just accepted this as the norm, but the idea that my daddy could keep up this pretence for so long was hard for me to fathom.
It brought up a range of questions in my mind. Was there some very dark secret about my birth? Was he was trying to shield me from something even worse than adoption? I thought that my mummy must have forced him to take part in this deceit.
Perhaps I would get the whole thing sorted out when I talked to him about it. Surely he would give me the real facts, and I would be able to understand why I’d been left in the dark for so long. Yes, he would be able to change the feeling that I had in the pit of my stomach. I thought there must be some reasonable explanation for this dreadful situation, and I had faith in my daddy to fix it.
That is an excerpt from my book “I Found My 100 Year Old Mother”
Although my story was an exceptional one, one person in ten who will read this is adopted. That is what Steve Jobs, Stephen Spielberg, Marilyn Monroe. Aristotle and many other famous people have in common with me
Adoption is something that has been swept under the carpet even though it is a worldwide problem. Most people don’t know very much about it, including adoptees and their adoptive parents. Those who have not been adopted such as the doctors, social workers and authorities who create the rules know even less.
Freedom is something that most of us in the online marketing world are working towards. Seems like it is not too much to ask that everyone should be allowed to know who they are and their nationality. For me it was a forty year struggle to “almost” find out, but many adopted people carry the burden of not knowing to their graves.
So next time you hear the word adopted mentioned just stop for a few minutes and try to imagine how you would feel if your mother told you today that she was not really your mother, your father was not really your father and neither were the rest of your family including aunts and uncles. grandpas and grandmas – it is a big thought for anyone. -“Just Saying”
As you can imagine this is something I am very passionate about. If you would like to blog about your passions you can set one up for free in less than 30 seconds here.